happy birthday!

i feel like the father who's moved out of town with his new girlfriend and has been dodging child support bills for the past few years. then out of the blue he shows up to your bar-mitzvah and ruins everything, even after your mom's friend adam (who you'll never call 'dad' cuz he's not! no matter what mom says!) spent so much money on ebay getting you the xbox 360 you wanted.
here, have some thunderant